Confession

I feel the need to confess that I am struggling with being hopeful in this transition time. There are just so many things moving and shaking right now and all I want to do is crawl into my hole to hide for a few days. That's not possible because I've already started school full-time. I think that my finances are my biggest struggle at the moment. I know God provides and I can give you all the right church answers to my struggles. As I sit down to pay bills, I easily lose sight that He will provide. I am a numbers person and they are quickly getting smaller. It's hard at moments to understand because I am very careful with my money. I may not stick to my budget as well as I could, but I'm not extravagant in any purchases. I've done better with fighting my urges to eat out more often because it's just easier than cooking for one. Several bills that I expected to come back smaller because I was out of the country for most of last month came back the same or a few came back larger! It's so hard to make it on my sad teacher's salary - especially when school systems don't pay you for the summer. I pray to Jesus that I can find a more permanent school home to hopefully balance things out some this year. I'm going to have to squirrel away money again this year. It's always things for myself that get sacrificed too. I need new glasses, new shoes, new school clothes, two new fillings, three medicines (monthly) - not to mention laying hands on my loving laptop every time I try to use it for anything of significance. I realize that I have a lot more than most people. I know all the "answers" but I just wanted to make my feelings known. There are precious few of you who read this blog anyways, so I can spill my guts here without it coming back to haunt me. Of course there are volleyball coaching possibilities hanging over my head at the moment too. More on that later in the week...when I'll hopefully have some answers. I need to get away from my desk and my taunting checkbook and calculator.